We waste our time, love and even lives on people who do not deserve it. And what is the most ironic – very often, they themselves give us signs they are not interested but we seem to not understand. So that you clearly notice them and determine whether it is worth spending more time on a girl, we have written this article.
- Why does the girl say she does not want a relationship? First, let’s figure out what is the reason. Perhaps she:
-has recently broken up with boyfriend;
-is afraid that the new novel will end as badly as the previous one;
-decided to concentrate on study/work, and relations, in her opinion, will only interfere with this;
-is not interested in relationships with men.
The good news: none of these reasons (except the last one) is a 100% guarantee that your common “happily ever after” is impossible. Because there is always a chance that she will change her mind.
- How to understand that nothing shines for you? Another option: the girl is ready for a romantic relationship, but not with you. Then we can try to conquer her. But a serious relationship will be a total waste of time if you notice the following signs:
-if you communicate on a brides dating site, she almost always responds briefly to your messages;
-refuses to meet again and again;
-or she simply needs something from you (to give a ride, pick up, borrow money, help).
If any of this is about you and her, then it seems that the girl is either avoiding you, or considers you to be a good friend whom she can rely on, but, in both cases, does not want intimacy.
If you conduct active correspondence with her, you go for walks together, go to the cinema and generally have a spark between you that doesn’t develop into something more, then maybe the girl:
-doesn’t know you long enough (everyone has their own pace of rapprochement);
-believes that your intentions regarding her are not serious;
-sees you have a flaw that she does not like much (bad habits, lack of work, signs of possessiveness and jealousy, or something else);
-feels sympathy for someone else, and you are a friend for her.
Each of these reasons suggests that the girl hesitates – she is interested in you, but so far this is not enough to fall into your arms without hesitation. And if you want to try to win her heart, then go to the next point.
- The transition from friend zone to relationships: myth or reality? The sad legends are made about the guys who spend eternity in the friend zone, hoping for more and eventually receive a guest invitation to the wedding. But there are also many stories about how a friend turns into a boyfriend once. We cannot say with certainty which scenario your relationship will follow. But we can give some tips on how to increase your chances of an outcome that interests you.
Be near her
If the representative of the fair sex is glad to communicate with you, this is a very good sign: she is interested in you. Show that she is not indifferent to you: show interest in events in her life and hobbies. She will appreciate it and sooner or later will begin to treat you with warmth. And then іhe can change her mind.
Try to conquer her
Friendzone is not for you? Then do not behave like a friend and openly admit your feelings. And start taking care of her. To give compliments, to show attention, to do romantic things … Yes, modern ladies want equality, but this does not mean that the initiative on the part of men is no longer of interest to them.
Your sincere impulses broke on a wall of indifference? Turn on the alpha-mode. The one that says “the less we care for a woman, the more she likes us.” When someone gets used to constant attention, a sudden cooling at least offends them.
- The final signs she is not interested. So far, so good, but how to recognize that the girl is not trying to attract your attention and would like you to stop chasing her?
1. She spends hours or days to answer your messages or phone calls
Believe us, no one can be so busy that they do not have time to answer a simple message or phone call. If the girl with whom you are trying to build a relationship needs hours or even days to answer your message, but she is often online, etc., then she is clearly not interested in you, as in a man. Any girl who is really interested in building a relationship with a man will answer him within an hour or during the appearance of the next free minute.
2. When she answers you, her messages do not make sense
If a girl sends you messages without any emotions or sentences consisting of one-two words, then she is either not in the mood or does not want to have a conversation with you. If she avoids answering your questions, avoids communicating with you and answers your questions without asking you anything, then this means that you are simply not interesting to the girl, even if she says the opposite.
3. She constantly reschedules appointments or tries to reduce them to a couple of hours
She might hide it under the excuse of being too busy or forgetful, but if she is really passionate about you, she will do everything possible to make your appointment happen as soon as possible. If, for more than two times, she “reschedules” your date or tells you that she has important matters, so your date will be only a couple of hours, then this is an obvious sign that she is not interested in you like a man. In this case, her goal is quite simple, for example, to manage to visit some restaurant with you in a couple of hours, to eat at your expense or just to unwind a bit using you as a mean to achieve this.
4. She constantly talks about other men
If a girl finds random moments to start talking about other men – be it her “best friend”, a funny guy in the office at work or a family friend, then she hints at you that she already has enough male attention and she is satisfied with it to the full, so maybe you are the one whom she put in one row from this list. Or maybe the very “good friend” is her true love and she may hint at this.
5. When you are near her, she tries to avoid physical contact
If you want to kiss a girl after she has definitely let you know that she is interested in you, but at the same time she turns away and substitutes her cheek instead of lips, or if you want to grab her hand and she doesn’t want to, and she constantly keeps distance, this is a clear sign that the girl in no way treats you as the man she wants to have something in the future. It is possible that she is very shy or you are her first man, but such women are easy to identify by their modest behavior, and if you are sure that she is not one of these women, she already had men before you and she answers your physical contacts rejecting them – it’s better to safely leave this girl alone and look for someone else.
6. Body language
It’s very difficult for a woman to say directly: “I don’t like you, you are uninteresting, unpromising, you don’t enter my plans, there’s nothing to waste time for here.” Instead, her body speaks for her. Classic gestures are arms crossed on the chest, a look as if through you, if you are sitting next to her, she turns her legs and body to the opposite side, hides her hands in her pockets or behind her back, constantly looks at her watch or phone.
7. Uneasy communication
If a girl does not like you, then she will never offer interesting topics for conversation and support your ideas. There are awkward pauses and a feeling that at this moment she is thinking about something else. She does not ask you questions, does not ask about you something personal like family and hobbies. She doesn’t care where you work and with whom you live. She is frankly bored.
8. She says what she dislikes in men
If a girl starts talking about what she doesn’t like in the opposite sex and it concerns your features, this is the awful sign. For example, you are shorter than her dream-height and you have a mustache while she cannot stand it. But the most commonplace way to reject someone is to say you dislike their name. It can be done in a seamless way “Oh, it previously seemed to me that all Joshes are creepy”. But look not only what she is talking about, but also how she is talking about it.
9. The girl says she is not looking for anyone
If a girl emphasizes that she is satisfied with the situation in which she is currently or has not yet “recovered” from a previous relationship, or she is not ready for a serious relationship or loves freedom, then she just wants to get rid of your communication.
10. Flirts with others
If a girl in your presence smiles at another guy, frankly says he is handsome, praises his figure, laughs at his jokes, then you don’t need to make sad eyes or go crazy with jealousy. Look around, maybe some beauty looks in your direction right now.
It is important to understand that not all women will love you, some will treat you with cold indifference. But this is not a reason for wounded pride. Think of it as an invaluable life experience. A real man knows how to react to being rejected. Of course, there are exceptions to the rules, and these tips may not apply specifically to your situation. After all, each behavior of a girl can be interpreted in different ways. Only if a girl says that she has a partner or she is gay, this is a 100% fail.
Loneliness. Probably each of us has dealt with it. This feeling is so hard for us to endure because we are not used to being with ourselves. Often we are ready to do anything, just not to surrender to ourselves. It’s hard to come to terms with your own fears, it’s hard to accept yourself if you haven’t done this before.
But as soon as we let go of grievances, accept reality and open our own entity to ourselves, we immediately feel an unprecedented lightness. Our inner world instantly becomes our home, into which we want to return again and again. It is not so scary to be alone, it is scarier to never know yourself. Being alone doesn’t necessarily mean the solitude of the soul. So, shouldn’t you be afraid of it?
- Can healthy loneliness be useful?
Sometimes you need to be alone, just enjoy your free time, be alone with your thought, stay at the moment and enjoy every second of it. Do not run, do not dissolve your fears in alcohol or seek salvation in a chat for singles. Life itself directs you to the true path, at the moment when you feel alone – you most need it. The world itself is pushing you.
We must occasionally be alone. When we are on our own, the train of whole different thoughts becomes available to us, we can hear our intuition. Appreciate the moments when life gives you invaluable time that you can spend in silence. When everything subsides and you hear only the beating of your own heart. You’d better find out how it is, otherwise, you will never understand the meaning of your true soul, you will never understand who you are.
The more you experience and explore your own feelings, the more time you spend alone, the more you understand yourself and what is the sense of your life. Spending time alone, we discover ourselves, new facets of our souls, we can finally understand who we are, find out what life is and what place we occupy in it.
- Why people are scared to stay alone?
People are scared of loneliness both when they are forced to stay alone (because of the circumstances that do not depend on them) and when they decide they need it. Because when you chose this yourself, only you are to blame for it. When you choose to be alone, there is a great risk of guilt for your choice. After all, the internal critic is always on the alert or this is the voice of one or more adults significant to us. They raised us like that – praise through criticism. When we are left alone, an internal dialogue begins with this critic – an educating figure. And this is very scary and unpleasant. That is why it is sometimes so hard to be alone.
In order not to be scary and lonely, you can find a partner, friend or someone else. Then the internal conflict with the critic will be played out in the relationship. And let this relationship drain and bring a lot of pain. But they do help you get rid of loneliness. But the result of this will be short-termed and deep inside you will still remember that this is just an escape from reality.
What can be done to make friends with your loneliness? Grow your own internal “lawyer”. The part that stands on your side and protects your from damaging thoughts. Often from your own. Raising a lawyer is not an easy and quick process. Working with sensations in the body, feelings, needs, resources helps. Other people can become the resources, nature, and connection with something more than you, even the connection with “the universe” or art. Seek ways to fill yourself with energy and you will not feel lonely.
- Is loneliness dangerous?
A number of doctors compare loneliness in modern society with an epidemic and convince people to treat it accordingly. In the UK, social self-isolation is called to be one of the conditions that pose a serious risk to health and life. The feeling of isolation from others is traditionally attributed to the elderly, but in recent years a new trend is gaining strength: loneliness is getting younger. So, surveys of the British show that 27% of people aged 18-24 consider themselves “lonely most of the time” – this figure is four times bigger than in the group of old people over seventy. Most often, intensive study and work contributes to this.
Loneliness is really associated with harm to health, and moreover, serious diseases. For example, scientists from the University of Chicago have concluded that social exclusion increases the risk of premature death by 14%. It turns out that loneliness for a person is twice worse than obesity. According to another study, a meta-analysis conducted in 2010, people with weak social connections are 50% more likely to die.
- When loneliness is a choice
Lonely people are divided into two categories: those who choose loneliness consciously and those who unconsciously fall under its effect. The keyword is “choose.” The first, of course, are in harmony with themselves. For example, adults who for some reason lost their loved ones and do not want to bring others closer to themselves. The second ones, whine about their loneliness, curse it in every possible way, say how they would like to meet someone … But on an unconscious level, they do everything to maintain themselves in this state.
They do not leave fate any chance even make the meeting of life partners possible. These people unconsciously guard their loneliness with meager interests, monotonous, regulated life and, of course, exorbitantly inflated requirements for everyone. This naturally follows mental and emotional stinginess, inability to enjoy simple things and share this with others. Of course, this is a limiting and destructive state. Meanwhile, in psychology, loneliness is seen as an integral part of our life, and a person should have the courage to accept this fact.
The ability to be alone is an invaluable opportunity to comprehend life and its deeper understanding, to seek fruitful contact with oneself, with one’s own creativity, to discover within oneself a sense of transcendental community with all people and the world. Loneliness can be an excellent resource for personal development.
- What to do when you feel lonely. We have talked about the positive and even negative effects of loneliness in terms of health. In addition, we have stated that being alone can be a choice, both conscious or unconscious. But what should you do when you feel that you are not happy staying on your own and need to change the situation?
1. Write down what you know about yourself
What are you like? Beautiful, smart, inspiring, modest, sexy, weak, strong, confident or unsure of yourself. Write everything: the pros and cons that you notice in yourself. It is often imperceptible how significant and wonderful you are even for yourself if you do not remind yourself of this. And when you realize your value, you will no longer agree to waste your time on useless people only to feel less lonely but choose a person worthy of yourself. It will give you confidence because when you have the knowledge, you know how to act and what changes implement.
If, however, your exhaust your creativity, ask your friends what they like about you, what they see first in you and write down at least 5 points from each.
2. Decide what the word “loneliness” means to you
After all, it can be used in different contexts. If it is not recognized, then it seems global and frightening. You can descrive loneliness as when:
-I do not have anyone to talk to
-no one to love
-no one will to take care of me …
And then it turns out that some of these points are not so scary and your friends and you can deal with them, or you can work on them alone and feel better.
3. Understand what you can do yourself
To do this, we suggest you describe to “Why do I feel lonely?” You lack money? You want to feel support? To be given flowers? To have someone to go a date with or to cuddle with? To have someone to go on vacation with? And after you draw out a blueprint, start doing what is most possible on your own: find a new job or ask for a raise, buy flowers and treat yourself to a cake, ask a friend to go with you to a new cafe, find a cool company and go on vacation with them.
4. Think about what gives you pleasure
Write down structural points. It may also be global desires – to go somewhere. And it can be something simpler – SPA, a boat trip, a coffee in your favorite cafe. Then allow yourself to do it more often! Thus filling your life with joy and pleasure. Do not look for this very joy and pleasure in someone.
5. Are you really that lonely?
Or do you have friends, colleagues, relatives or just interesting acquaintances? With whom you can have a great time and forget about the upset state. Often, when we are preoccupied with some kind of problem, we don’t notice that there are people around us who are ready to support us, share our grief and joy, and just have a great time. Do not forget about them. If you have painted all this and realized that your fear of loneliness is not so terrible – congratulations!
If you realized that you can do so many things on your own, you will find out that being alone is quite interesting and enriching. And this is a completely different story. And it’s definitely not so scary anymore.