Loneliness. Probably each of us has dealt with it. This feeling is so hard for us to endure because we are not used to being with ourselves. Often we are ready to do anything, just not to surrender to ourselves. It’s hard to come to terms with your own fears, it’s hard to accept yourself if you haven’t done this before.
But as soon as we let go of grievances, accept reality and open our own entity to ourselves, we immediately feel an unprecedented lightness. Our inner world instantly becomes our home, into which we want to return again and again. It is not so scary to be alone, it is scarier to never know yourself. Being alone doesn’t necessarily mean the solitude of the soul. So, shouldn’t you be afraid of it?
- Can healthy loneliness be useful?
Sometimes you need to be alone, just enjoy your free time, be alone with your thought, stay at the moment and enjoy every second of it. Do not run, do not dissolve your fears in alcohol or seek salvation in a chat for singles. Life itself directs you to the true path, at the moment when you feel alone – you most need it. The world itself is pushing you.
We must occasionally be alone. When we are on our own, the train of whole different thoughts becomes available to us, we can hear our intuition. Appreciate the moments when life gives you invaluable time that you can spend in silence. When everything subsides and you hear only the beating of your own heart. You’d better find out how it is, otherwise, you will never understand the meaning of your true soul, you will never understand who you are.
The more you experience and explore your own feelings, the more time you spend alone, the more you understand yourself and what is the sense of your life. Spending time alone, we discover ourselves, new facets of our souls, we can finally understand who we are, find out what life is and what place we occupy in it.
- Why people are scared to stay alone?
People are scared of loneliness both when they are forced to stay alone (because of the circumstances that do not depend on them) and when they decide they need it. Because when you chose this yourself, only you are to blame for it. When you choose to be alone, there is a great risk of guilt for your choice. After all, the internal critic is always on the alert or this is the voice of one or more adults significant to us. They raised us like that – praise through criticism. When we are left alone, an internal dialogue begins with this critic – an educating figure. And this is very scary and unpleasant. That is why it is sometimes so hard to be alone.
In order not to be scary and lonely, you can find a partner, friend or someone else. Then the internal conflict with the critic will be played out in the relationship. And let this relationship drain and bring a lot of pain. But they do help you get rid of loneliness. But the result of this will be short-termed and deep inside you will still remember that this is just an escape from reality.
What can be done to make friends with your loneliness? Grow your own internal “lawyer”. The part that stands on your side and protects your from damaging thoughts. Often from your own. Raising a lawyer is not an easy and quick process. Working with sensations in the body, feelings, needs, resources helps. Other people can become the resources, nature, and connection with something more than you, even the connection with “the universe” or art. Seek ways to fill yourself with energy and you will not feel lonely.
- Is loneliness dangerous?
A number of doctors compare loneliness in modern society with an epidemic and convince people to treat it accordingly. In the UK, social self-isolation is called to be one of the conditions that pose a serious risk to health and life. The feeling of isolation from others is traditionally attributed to the elderly, but in recent years a new trend is gaining strength: loneliness is getting younger. So, surveys of the British show that 27% of people aged 18-24 consider themselves “lonely most of the time” – this figure is four times bigger than in the group of old people over seventy. Most often, intensive study and work contributes to this.
Loneliness is really associated with harm to health, and moreover, serious diseases. For example, scientists from the University of Chicago have concluded that social exclusion increases the risk of premature death by 14%. It turns out that loneliness for a person is twice worse than obesity. According to another study, a meta-analysis conducted in 2010, people with weak social connections are 50% more likely to die.
- When loneliness is a choice
Lonely people are divided into two categories: those who choose loneliness consciously and those who unconsciously fall under its effect. The keyword is “choose.” The first, of course, are in harmony with themselves. For example, adults who for some reason lost their loved ones and do not want to bring others closer to themselves. The second ones, whine about their loneliness, curse it in every possible way, say how they would like to meet someone … But on an unconscious level, they do everything to maintain themselves in this state.
They do not leave fate any chance even make the meeting of life partners possible. These people unconsciously guard their loneliness with meager interests, monotonous, regulated life and, of course, exorbitantly inflated requirements for everyone. This naturally follows mental and emotional stinginess, inability to enjoy simple things and share this with others. Of course, this is a limiting and destructive state. Meanwhile, in psychology, loneliness is seen as an integral part of our life, and a person should have the courage to accept this fact.
The ability to be alone is an invaluable opportunity to comprehend life and its deeper understanding, to seek fruitful contact with oneself, with one’s own creativity, to discover within oneself a sense of transcendental community with all people and the world. Loneliness can be an excellent resource for personal development.
- What to do when you feel lonely. We have talked about the positive and even negative effects of loneliness in terms of health. In addition, we have stated that being alone can be a choice, both conscious or unconscious. But what should you do when you feel that you are not happy staying on your own and need to change the situation?
1. Write down what you know about yourself
What are you like? Beautiful, smart, inspiring, modest, sexy, weak, strong, confident or unsure of yourself. Write everything: the pros and cons that you notice in yourself. It is often imperceptible how significant and wonderful you are even for yourself if you do not remind yourself of this. And when you realize your value, you will no longer agree to waste your time on useless people only to feel less lonely but choose a person worthy of yourself. It will give you confidence because when you have the knowledge, you know how to act and what changes implement.
If, however, your exhaust your creativity, ask your friends what they like about you, what they see first in you and write down at least 5 points from each.
2. Decide what the word “loneliness” means to you
After all, it can be used in different contexts. If it is not recognized, then it seems global and frightening. You can descrive loneliness as when:
-I do not have anyone to talk to
-no one to love
-no one will to take care of me …
And then it turns out that some of these points are not so scary and your friends and you can deal with them, or you can work on them alone and feel better.
3. Understand what you can do yourself
To do this, we suggest you describe to “Why do I feel lonely?” You lack money? You want to feel support? To be given flowers? To have someone to go a date with or to cuddle with? To have someone to go on vacation with? And after you draw out a blueprint, start doing what is most possible on your own: find a new job or ask for a raise, buy flowers and treat yourself to a cake, ask a friend to go with you to a new cafe, find a cool company and go on vacation with them.
4. Think about what gives you pleasure
Write down structural points. It may also be global desires – to go somewhere. And it can be something simpler – SPA, a boat trip, a coffee in your favorite cafe. Then allow yourself to do it more often! Thus filling your life with joy and pleasure. Do not look for this very joy and pleasure in someone.
5. Are you really that lonely?
Or do you have friends, colleagues, relatives or just interesting acquaintances? With whom you can have a great time and forget about the upset state. Often, when we are preoccupied with some kind of problem, we don’t notice that there are people around us who are ready to support us, share our grief and joy, and just have a great time. Do not forget about them. If you have painted all this and realized that your fear of loneliness is not so terrible – congratulations!
If you realized that you can do so many things on your own, you will find out that being alone is quite interesting and enriching. And this is a completely different story. And it’s definitely not so scary anymore.