I’ve been trying to figure out how to write this post, so apologies now if it’s a bit all over the place. It’s no secret that I’ve been trying to drop a few pounds. I’ve been counting calories, hitting the gym, and I’ve started Couch to 5K. I’m just trying to do the thing ya know? I’m just trying to feel better about myself. But as someone who’s on the smaller end of those on the same ride, I feel like it’s harder to talk about. I recently saw a post/tweet/whatever about how it’s almost rude for those who are already in an “acceptable size” (whatever that is) to be happy or whatever about getting to an even more acceptable size. How it makes other people feel bad. The thing is though, this is MY journey. My comments on my size are just that, comments on MY size.
When I started all this, I was between an 8/10. It all depended on the brand, the clothing, we all know that struggle. No two stores are alike. Recently though I was able to fit into a Size 6! You might have seen a tweet about it but I left the number out. I had it in my head that my victory would upset someone else. But ya know what. We shouldn’t think that. No one should. I’m not calling anyone else fat. I’m not saying anyone who’s a Size 8 or 10 is huge. All I’m saying is that it was a weight I, personally, wasn’t happy with. That’s it. At my heaviest I was 136. And I know there are people who would trade an arm for that number. But I’m 4 10 on a good day. I am short as fuck. That means I carry weight differently. It affects me differently. I’m now between 120-123. The pounds I’m trying to drop aren’t “vanity pounds,” a term I’ve seen tossed around in a few places. My weight loss struggles aren’t any less worthy of praise or excitement than anyone else out there. I’m just trying to get a place where I’m happy with what I see and the body that I have to live with.
I know all of this sounds like #FirstWorldProblems, and I get it. I do. But honestly we’re all in this together. And I get jealous of others too. When I see someone who’s able to drop 20lbs quickly, I get a little twinge because I’m not capable of that. But I’m still excited for them! I would never tell them not to be proud because it might make someone else feel bad or weird or whatever. In the end, that issue belongs to that person. I guess what I’m trying to say is to not take others journeys personally. Because it’s really not about you at all.