I don’t really get too personal here on the blog. I just don’t think or feel that my personal life is that amazing or awesome that I need to write about it. Granted, if something huge did happen I’d run here to share the news, but that’s not my life at the moment. But then I tweeted about how my insurance looks like it would cover having my tubes tied and Wendy DM’d a few questions asking about my thoughts on kids and what not. I know there are other women like me out there who have zero desire to have or raise children. I figured what the hell, let’s write about it.
First, I had a great childhood. I wasn’t abused or anything like that. My home isn’t “broken.” My parents have been married for I think 30 years now? They’ve raised two functional adults. My sister is married now with two kids of her own. But that’s her. She was the one who played with baby dolls and wanted to play house and talked about being a mom. That was never me. Sure, I played with Barbie as a kid but I didn’t want or need a baby doll that cried, or needed to be changed, or did nothing but just stare at you with creepy doll eyes. It just wasn’t me thing. As an adult, I never felt the ticking of a clock. I never held a baby and squealed and proclaimed that I needed one. In fact, it just cemented my desire to never have any kids, ever. I am awkward as hell around small humans, especially those fresh out of the oven. I don’t like holding babies. I get very stiff and uncomfortable and I know they can pick up on it. That then leads to crying and me slowly handing the baby back to its rightful owner.
And I don’t “hate” children. Do I dislike some of them? Sure. But that falls more on the lack of parenting and how kids these days seem to just do whatever the hell they want without any consequences. I have two nephews that I love. I love spending time with them, spoiling them, and teaching them the ways of the nerd. But man, am I happy as hell to give them back! I fully embrace the role of Awesome TeeTee. It’s the most amazing feeling ever but that still doesn’t affect my desire to have my own.
Am I worried that I’ll die alone? Yes, this is a question that I’ve been asked and I know that others who are in the same boat have been asked as well. The simple answer is No. Look, having kids doesn’t guarantee that someone will be there to take care of you as you age. It’s horrible but kids do die before their parents. There are families that don’t speak to each other and have falling outs. And if you look at a child as just being someone to take care of you once you can’t take care of yourself, you’re doing it wrong. I have family, I have friends. I’m not concerned about who will take care of me.
And guess what? I like being able to do what I want, when I want. I can book a trip right now if I wish. I don’t need to worry about paying for kids to come along, or childcare, or their needs. Look at that anyway you want, but I don’t care. I love the freedom I have. Basically I can run around like Loki and yell “I do what I want!”
And no, I won’t some day change my mind. I will be 34 years old in December (JFC). I have felt this way my entire life. It has never once wavered. I have never uttered the words “Man, maybe I do want a child.” Nope. If my entire life had been recorded and you could rewind (LOL rewind) a tape, you’d never hear those words come out of my mouth. Ever. It’s just not what I want out of life. It’s not what I need. And don’t come at “us” saying we just need to meet the right person. The “right person” for me is someone else who doesn’t want kids. Does it make my pool of eligible people smaller? Sure, but that’s a good thing! It means none of us waste anytime with someone who doesn’t want the same things out of life! And if you’re someone who does want kids, please don’t try to get us to change our minds. No means No. I’m sure it hurts like hell to fall for someone who doesn’t want the same things, but at our ages there’s no excuse for either side not to be open about those wants or needs.
I’m lucky that my family doesn’t give me shit over my thoughts on kids. I’m very lucky in that sense. So I beg of you, if someone you know and love says they don’t want children, just leave it at that. Don’t nag them about their reasons. It’s personal.